


Disease

by Iskelan (Zeratul)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Academy, Denial, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Hanahaki Disease, Interspecies Romance, M/M, Slash, Supernatural Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 14:14:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18012446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeratul/pseuds/Iskelan
Summary: Thrawn starts to study in the Imperial Academy with his translator Eli Vanto. But his far-going plans on career in the Imperial Navy are about to crumble due to an unexpected disease...





	Disease

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JessKo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessKo/gifts).



> Many thanks to JessKo for beta-reading.  
> Оригинал фанфика на русском можно прочитать здесь: https://ficbook.net/readfic/7874216

 

“Perhaps, you’ll find my question a little strange, cadet Thrawn.” Doctor Aegis says in a serious and worried tone. He was holding the scan results in his hands, and by the anxiety, appearing in his every feature it was clear that the meds he offered last time didn’t have any effect- the disease kept spreading, threatening to kill the Emperor’s protege. “Are you in love?”  
  
“What? No, I am certain I am not.” Thrawn replied gloomy and had another fit of coughing. It was so strong this time that, along with unpleasant feeling in his lungs, he felt a little dizzy. The tightness in his chest that he first associated with acclimatization and possible allergy to uncommon food hadn’t disappeared even after a week despite all his daily breathing exercises. Then this was joined by coughing, so he appealed to the medical center on the Academy campus. He had only three month to finish his courses and he had no time for even minor ailments. The doctor announced his diagnosis without any investigations and gave him an anti-allergy medicine, but it had no positive effect even after three days. It even seemed to make things worse. “But what does it have to do with my… how did you call it? Aths’ma?”

 

“That’s not asthma.” Doctor Aegis turned the holoimage above the projector, allowing the patient to look at the his lungs and zoomed in the central part. “Here, you see? Stems… and leaves.” He pointed at a group of alveoli, where a few short springs could be seen. “First we thought their roots were simply capillaries, but now it is clear that…”

 

“Some parasite plant is growing inside my lungs?” Thrawn touched his chest nervously, thinking how long could these stems grow while making it more and more difficult to breathe.

 

“Oh, if only. Parasites can be easily removed by smoking the right tobacco. And this…” Doctor Aegis swallowed dramatically and bite his lip, observing Thrawn from his head to his toes, like he himself didn’t believe, that someone like him could get such illness. “...it’s practically incurable.”

 

Thrawn raised his eyebrow in perplexive manner. It all seemed to be another show, like those the ones he had to study with liked to play around in order to force the Alien out of the Academy. Such plays were often staged by some of the Academy personnel, and not always these were minor figures, so now he had all reasons to suspect doctor Aegis to be part of another cruel joke.

 

“And what’s my illness called?”

 

“We call it the ‘one-sided love disease’. Very unusual autoimmune reaction of a physical body to strong unrealized feelings. Very rare, incurable, unexplained, appears not depending on gender, species, age and location. You’re going to die very painfully and slowly, and most likely you won’t live long enough to graduate from the Academy. But…” the doctor pointed at Thrawn’s face in a softer gesture. “Before you die, you will be beautifully overgrown with flowers.”

 

“The only one-sided love of my life, doctor, occurred between me and my people and was the reason for my outcast. And if you can’t understand what is going on with me, it’s not an excuse of telling me some fairy-tales…” he couldn’t finish the sentence. His lungs were caught in another bout of coughing that lasted longer than the previous one. It became so hard to breathe that for a moment Thrawn feared that Aegis’ diagnosis was real, but this feeling lasted only for few seconds.

 

“I am afraid that denial of illness won’t help you. I am terribly sorry, cadet. You are dying.” the doctor spoke very sincerely. Or at least he was a very good liar. Both variations only caused increasing annoyance in his patient, and he was no longer hiding it.

 

“I will inform the Emperor of your incompetence.” Thrawn said darkly and took the disc with diagnosis copy on it from Aegis’ hands. The doctor gave him a fearful farewell gaze.

 

***

When he was back to the quarters he shared with cadet Vanto, Thrawn laid down without undressing. Habitually he took a deep breath and was caught in another bout of coughing. He silently criticized himself for such a lack of conscience in his actions. His health was always an example of one of the best warriors of the Chiss Ascendancy, and this prolonged asthma -or whatever it was- felt like some ridiculous joke of nature.

 

“Oh, you’re back!” Eli called out to him from the upper bed. “Didn’t get lost in translation? What did the doctor say?”.

 

“Thanks, I managed without your help. Doctor Aegis promised me a swift and painful death.” Thrawn replied as relaxed as he could, proceeding to reject the irritating assumption that the ridiculous diagnosis could be real.

 

“Wait… what… You mean that you’re dying?”

 

Thrawn could hear how the human turned in his bed, then his face appeared from above. The worry that reflected in his features seemed almost touching to Thrawn when compared to his periodical obvious desire to get rid of the alien that disturbed all his life plans.

 

“The doctor says it is one-sided love disease which causes flowers to grow inside me.” Thrawn pronounced with pathos and chuckled shortly. “I haven’t heard such nonsense since I’ve studied a compilation of Jedi myths.”

 

“That sounds thrilling, you know?” By the tone of his voice it was clear that the young human took his words seriously and now was scared. His head disappeared behind the bunk, then he stepped down to the lover level dressed only in his underwear and sat on Thrawn’s bed, observing him very attentively with his big shocked eyes. He even bent closer and touched Thrawn’s face, although it didn’t give him any clues- Chiss skin always seemed warm to a human. “Honestly that’s stupid. You don’t look like someone who’s dying.”

 

“It’s just some nonsense that contrasts with true biology. They just tried to knock me out of balance and almost succeeded. The new impossibility to trust a doctor is a very irritating factor.”

 

“I’ve heard… only some romantic legends of this stuff.” Vanto frowned. “But… are you in love?”

 

“Cadet Vanto, please, you do realize, how incor…” A cough interrupted him again in the middle of the sentence. Thrawn felt that while he coughed something was moving up his bronchial tubes, so he laid on his right side to make it easier to move further. But the foreign object stopped in his throat and yet refused to go on. Thrawn pulled two fingers in his mouth and touched the thing, that now was right at the base of his mouth’s roof. That _definitely_ was not phlegm. He managed to grasp it and pulled, but was met with resistance that provoked more coughing. Finally, he could rip at least part of it and held his hand out. He looked at his slobbered fingers and saw small white petals, sticking to his blue skin.  

 

“Oh, Kriff…” Eli exclaimed while staring into Thrawn’s eyes without blinking, and his swarthy cheeks turned few tones paler. Thrawn, from the opposite started to rapidly blink, refusing to believe what he saw, then touched one of the petals and tried to taste it. The taste was pleasant, dimmed and bittersweet, and it was followed with a tender smell. There was no mistake - it was indeed a flower petal.

 

“This is impossible.” He whispered and felt blood flushing away from his face. All the words doctor Aegis said sounded again in his memory, and the threat to his life - and to all his plans of a career in the Imperial Navy and activity in the Unknown regions- suddenly became terrifyingly real.

 

***

 

Thrawn couldn’t allow himself to sleep that night. After experiencing a wave of strong internal protest he regained control of himself and started to study the matter. If he really had as little time as the doctor said, he shouldn’t lose it in vain.

 

He didn’t believe in incurable diseases, always considering them as the result of incompetence and lack of medical knowledge of the existing medical personnel, although he witnessed a few cases when other Chiss decided to rather kill themselves before the illness killed them so as to not be a burden to society due to their long-term weakness. But in these cases it was something much more fearsome and irrecoverable than some plants sprouting inside his lungs from nowhere.

 

However there was terribly little information and none of it gave him any hope.

 

Cadet Vanto shared some legends he remembered with him. In one of them there was a curse, cast by evil spirit, that could be removed only by a true love kiss. In another a young lady was dying in pain when she learned her beloved betrayed here, and after her death the ground was covered by a rose garden.

 

His search on the holonet didn’t give any distinct answers either. Stories, much like those told by Vanto, existed in many variations within the mythology and art of many species that inhabited the Old Republic, and were mostly found among legends of spiritual bonds, afterlife, reincarnations and all the other amusing plots which Thrawn used to consider only as cultural specifics. The one-side love disease seemed to be a popular theme in art, and that made it difficult to find any descriptions of real cases among people’s fantasies.

 

However, accounts of the disease did exist. A few hours of search brought him to a medical article of Mon-calamari scientist, hidden in some outskirts of holonet. The pictures attached to it made Thrawn feel a false itch under skin.

 

He saw numbers of agonizing bodies on the display, and it was hard to guess whether they were still alive, or if the holoimages were made after death. Mostly they were humanoids, but there also were some very unusual and unfamiliar species. The weird disease, by the doctors’ remarks in the article, always appeared ‘by itself’. There were always different flowers, but they always mercilessly took over the carrier. As the doctor said - it didn’t limit itself with lungs. The stems grew through the skin right from their veins, spreading on all the body surface. Sometimes they affected even the ears and eyes.

 

Thrawn rubbed his eyelids nervously - things to this extreme had not happened to him yet, but the thought of the very possibility of such an end made him feel disgusted and somewhere deep inside a little bit afraid. High resolution pictures and detailed descriptions of the symptoms about the development of the disease altogether with the impressions of the patients contained no clue to where the illness came from. People just ‘died from love’, each one of them was suffering from one-sided love and after a final rejection, accepted their fate, so absorbed by the pain of their feelings that they almost enjoyed their body turning into a flower bed. The only healing case described sounded like some fairy tale - the object of love suddenly appeared to love the diseased one and the plants that tortured him disappeared miraculously without any consequences to the physical body.

 

Thrawn breathed out irritatedly, coughed silently few times, and put the datapad away. If it all was truth that meant he had to manage his feelings and force the object of his affection to love him in return. But he was absolutely sure of himself, his one and only strong feeling had always been his infinite bond to the Chiss Ascendancy, and it was above all possible personal bonds. That’s why he never allowed them to appear to exclude the very possibility of effect on his tactical decisions. He couldn’t be in love - that meant he couldn’t have this disease. And that meant this was only some prolonged acclimatization.

 

***

 

 

Thrawn woke up from unpleasant tickling in his mouth near the very base of the tongue and coughed again. He opened his eyes and saw Vanto bend above him with a datapad in his hands, looking like he was trying to take a picture. His other hand froze near Thrawn’s lips.

 

“Good morning, cadet. What are you doing?”

 

“I… You looked so cute when asleep with this flower in your lips. I decided to take a picture.”

 

“What?”

 

Thrawn touched his lips and discovered a thin stem popping out of them. He moved it and felt the unpleasant tickling again. The stem went deep down inside his throat and, luckily, was soft enough not to affect the vocal cords interlock and not to cause damage while moving, but it’s very presence irritated the sensitive mucosa.

 

“Did you put it in there?”  
  
“No, of course not… I didn’t even know that camomiles could be found on Coruscant.”

 

Thrawn took the thin stem tightly and pulled it up carefully. His trachea responded with tickling, while the plant refused to part with his body, clutching onto his lungs. The pain grew stronger, but he kept pulling, feeling how thin roots clutched his alveoles, and after few minutes of non-stop coughing he managed to pull the flower out completely.

 

“That’s… definitely not good.” Vanto stepped back in confusion and dug into his pocket to take a napkin out of it. “Here, take it, you’re all…”

 

“Yes, I know. Thank you.”  
  
Thrawn removed the mixture of saliva and blood from his chin, while it proceeded to drip onto the floor from the flower’s roots.

 

This couldn’t be real, although it felt disgustingly present. Thrawn looked at his palms, then pinched his cheek, but nothing changed. The flower, covered in his body fluids, was undeniable proof that everything happened the same way as in case records he read before he fell asleep. There was yet a tiny chance that it all was a hallucination that came as an unpredicted side-effect from the medicine for asthma, but Vanto saw all the things he saw and seemed to be very scared and confused.

 

Heavy silence that filled the room began to make Thrawn angry. He crushed the flower in his fist, then stood up quickly and walked around Vanto to the refresher.

 

“What’s on the timetable today?” He asked through the half-opened door panel, rubbing his face that sweated a lot while he was pulling the plant from his lungs. “I was so involved into reading all this nonsense that I forgot to check.”

 

“Melee combat practice in half an hour. But… are you sure you should…” The young man’s voice sounded almost whiney, and it made Thrawn even more upset.

 

“I’m fine!” he interrupted him. “Stop looking at me like I’m dying. I am a warrior and I’ve had many deadly wounds in my life, I won’t be killed by some… how did you call them?”

 

“Camomiles… I think.” Vanto moved his eyes in guilty manner, but all his figure remained strained. He slouched, like he wanted to shrink and ran away from the troubles that appeared so suddenly, to teleport somehow into yesterday, where he knew nothing of his roomate being terminally ill. “I don’t know flowers names very well. Sorry, I just… it’s all so sudden and I can’t process everything.”

 

Their looks met again, and Thrawn felt his anger fading. Although he saw much potential in this boy, right now this young human had no chance to see many battles and losses and, of course, was too afraid to take death seriously.

 

“Calm down. Nothing has changed.” He came closer to him and put his palms on Vanto’s shoulders, squeezing them lightly and forcing the boy to relax them. Eli breathed heavily, but calmed.

 

“Fine. Let’s go for breakfast. We haven’t got much time.”

 

***

 

At first the training went on without accident. Thrawn felt almost healthy, trying not to pay attention to rattling sounds inside his lungs. He even felt a surge of energy for a while, and the first two hours of the lesson felt good and passed quickly. He knew most of these combat styles and could teach them himself, which he did when he had a chance to spar with Vanto, who for which this discipline was the only one where he didn’t have perfect marks.

 

However, after two hours it became harder to breathe again, and he started to miss opponents attacks. Annoyed by this weakness he started to move more twitchy and in the end he was knocked down from his feet. The fall on the mat wasn’t painful for his body, but the affected lungs were practically waiting for this moment to start another bout of coughing. His coughs were loud and forced him to bend in two, and he was almost suffocating. His brain did not have enough oxygen, so it took few minutes for Thrawn to regain control of himself and order his lungs to inhale only minimal amount of air, so as to not provoke more coughing.

 

Thrawn sat up and looked around. Other cadets gathered around him and whispered excitedly to each other. Thrawn spotted Vanto behind them- the young man looked worried.

 

“Cadet Thrawn, proceed to my quarters.” Coldly said lieutenant Hiro that leaded the training. “If you’re able to walk, of course.”

 

Thrawn rose and looked at Vanto. Hiro followed his glance and added:  
  
“Alone.”

 

When they were alone she gave him a napkin. Thrawn gave a wipe to his lips and discovered that there were bloody drops on them again, which meant it won’t be easy to hide the truth about his state.

 

“My apologies, ma’am,” he started hoarsely, but Hiro ordered him to stay silent with her hand gesture.

 

“I can read on your face that you’re not going to tell me, what’s going on, so I’ll get straight to the point,” she lowered to her terminal and started to print something quickly. “I don’t need any accidents during my lessons, especially with someone like you, Thrawn,” she proceeded, not lifting her eyes from the screen.

 

“Of course, ma’am, I am taking my medicine and until today…”  
  
“I did not finish,” the lieutenant interrupted him again. Her chest rose and fell quickly, cheeks burning,  with a voice that was full of strong emotions, where anger dominated. “You are embarrassing enough by yourself to the other cadets. I can see that your combat experience is comparable to my own, so I claim that you passed the test in advance and release you from physical training lessons.”

 

“This is very unpreferred. If I don’t sustain my physical form, my organism…”

 

“Just go, and…” she looked at him again and her featured crooked. She waved at him squeamishly. “That’s not my problem anymore. Dismissed, cadet.”

 

Vanto was waiting for him outside. He already put on his tunic, and held Thrawn’s tunic on his shoulder. When Thrawn stepped out, he looked at him with the same look again, but not so blaming this time. Thrawn took the clothes from him and they silently went down the corridor in the direction of the mess.

 

“Lieutenant Hiro put in a record that I passed the test and released me from the lessons,” he spoke quietly to cast away the annoying silence. Now he wanted to speak, not to think, because all the thoughts brought him only to depressive solutions which he didn’t want to consider.

 

“Oh, it... “ Vanto replied confused, “it won’t be an obstacle for you to finish the course, right? You’re good fighter and…”

 

“Yes, I know. But… tell me please, did it really look that terrible? There was some real fear on her face.”

 

“Oh, how could that be?” Vanto replied sarcastically and frowned. Then he rose his hand to Thrawn’s face and touched his lips with finger tips. Only then Thrawn felt another stem straining painfully inside him, forcing him to stoop. He focused his eyes down as much as possible to see a small white flower with yellow middle, held between Eli’s brown fingers, which he wasn’t going to unclench yet. “Every single cadet from our course saw that. While you were in Hiro’s quarters, everyone were teasing me with jokes that you slobber over me!” the last words young man groaned out and released the flower. Thrawn stepped back and straightened with silent moan and prodded the inside of his mouth with his tongue. He unpleasantly discovered a few more stems that yet have not come outside.

 

“Strange that I didn’t notice it before. And what does ‘slobber over means?”

 

“Oi, c’mon, Vanto, save your blue friend with the magical kiss!” Eli proceeded mockingly, imitating, assumably, cadets Lytice or Orobi. “Oh, krayt spit, why me?”

 

“I see. An euphemism of love,” decided Thrawn from his words.

 

“Yeah, sort of.”

 

“Well, it looks like the very assumption that I may be in love seems ridiculous not only to me.”

 

“I suppose they see the situation in a different way. You and me don’t match together - the race, the character, not even talking of the fact we are…”

 

“Your species disapprove homosexual relationships?”

 

“No, not at all, it’s just… you’re unbreakable Chiss warrior with high goals, and I a guy without ambitions from the outskirts of the Galaxy… that won’t get us anywhere even with a devious imagination. That’s what is funny.”

 

“That’s true,” Thrawn agreed and immediately seized his chest feeling pain like from sudden hit. He froze like this, afraid to breathe in and cause another coughing attack, and he could feel how thin stems grew inside him unbelievably fast, climbing up his trachea higher and higher. He turned away from Eli and shut his mouth with his hand, not willing the Human to look at his face, whatever it looked like now, when a few more flowers touched his tongue and pushed into his teeth.

 

“Thrawn?”  
  
Vanto touched his shoulder, and by reasons unknown that made Thrawn feel himself even worse. He forced himself to fight the irrational desire to push the Human away and turned back to him. He wanted to scream at him, to cast him away and stay alone only with what was happening, not to see and to hear his worries and compassion in every move. But the stems in his mouth got too tight, so he’d never find enough air to scream.

 

Eli gently took the hand which covered Thrawn’s mouth and moved it down. Now already six stems with flowers blooming on them looked out from half-opened lips. Seeing it, Eli swallowed nervously and quietly said:  
  
“If you really die like this, I won’t be ever able to look at any flowers again.”

 

***

 

All the lunch break Thrawn had to stay in the refresher, slowly taking out the bunch of camomiles that grew within him. Now it was much easier to breathe, although there was a dull pain in his chest after he pulled out so many roots. After getting rid of the last long flower- undoubtedly there was much more of these stems deep inside him- he inhaled deeply and slowly. For such short period of time he already started to miss this feeling and was terrified by the thought that it could disappear again at any moment.  
  
He allowed himself to sit like this here under the water streams, while nobody, including Eli, could interrupt his thoughts. The illness developed too fast. Unbelievably fast. There were no flowers he ever heard of capable of growing with such speed, and that meant that this had some connection to the powers existing beyond common logics and physics. He thought of the Jedi again and covered his face with his palm. The Emperor assured him that the Jedi Order was destroyed, but the mysterious Force, evidently, was present not only in some specific abilities of rare sentient beings, but affected many other anomalous events across all the Galaxy, which nobody seemed eager to investigate.  
  
He breathed deeply again. Someone like him, who couldn’t feel the Force, was unable to do anything here by himself, and while the Order was no more he didn’t have anyone to discuss the problem with at this point. But still he believed that intensive research would help him to find a cure. Anyway, he got this disease by some mistake. Or by the will of someone he couldn’t yet suspect.

 

 _“Oi, c’mon, Vanto, save your blue friend with the magical kiss!”_  Eli’s voice repeated in his memory. Quicker than Thrawn could stop himself he imagined how young Human’s lips - he always imagined them to be soft and pleasantly cool to the touch. He slapped himself on cheeks and shook his head. “That won’t get us anywhere even with your devious imagination,” reminded the same voice complacently.

 

“You underestimate my imagination, Eli” replied Thrawn in his thoughts and he smiled. The picture of the impossible kiss was not leaving his head, so he allow it to continue, escaping from the terrible reality of previous days. His thoughts were quick and soon moved to passionate embraces and touches from both sides. Thrawn bit his lip imagining how he pulled off Eli’s trousers and pushed him into the bed’s surface, laying on a body that became almost as hot as his own. Then he immediately thought of doing the same thing here in the shower, and his hand strained down his belly to touch the member that appeared. The images of all possible situations where he could become intimate with the young cadet flashed by so quickly that in only three minutes he came. For few short pleasant moments he allowed himself to forget that some scientifically unexplained disease could rip him apart from the inside at any moment.

 

A knock at the refresher door brought him back to the reality. The one who knocked was very impatient, so he opened the door and looked inside before Thrawn could answer.

 

“Thrawn!” Eli peeked into the room by half of his body and stared at his neighbour sitting relaxed on the floor. Evidently he hadn’t got the clue what was going on at first and ran into the refresher. His uniform was still on, but he rushed under the water streams and grabbed Thrawn’s shoulders. “Are you all right?”

 

For a moment Thrawn felt an almost irresistible desire to kiss those lips, being now so close and so real, and put a beautiful ending to his bright sexual fantasies.

 

“I’d say I felt much better than an hour ago,” he forced himself to move his eyes from Eli’s face and spotted the flowers he left on the floor, a reminder that his pleasant illusions couldn’t last forever. “I don’t know for how long, but I can breathe again.”

 

“Oh kriff… you were stronking, right?”  
  
Thrawn looked at Eli and traced his glance down. He realized that the Human was staring at his member that he was still holding in his hand.

 

“What is “stronking”?”

 

“Um-m-m… no, I don’t think I should teach you such words, that’s…”  
  
“Ah, you mean that I relaxed a little?”

 

“Yeah, I think that’s quite right interpretation. Damn… that’s awkward. I thought that you… could lose consciousness or something.”

 

“Well, now you’ll have to change your clothes.”

 

“Yeah, seems like. But first… I’ve brought you some food!”

 

“Oh, right, I’ve missed lunch. Thank you.”

 

He went out of the refresher, covering his hips in a towel, and found a pack with food rations on the table, which Eli brought so caringly. For the first time in these days he had an appetite, although the taste of Human food still was terrible to him.

 

Eli stayed in the refresher for a while to dry himself and soon entered the room. He was dressed only in his underwear, his hair was wet and messy, and small drops of water were shining on his skin. Thrawn couldn’t stop thinking that he must look much the same after sex. Except his face was too gloomy right now.

 

“Who do you think of when you… relax?”  
  
“I don’t do it often and it’s a very… unpredictable process. The warrior should sometimes give his body a release.”

 

“Confess now, were you thinking of lieutenant Hiro?”

 

“What? No, she’s… definitely not my type. Shoulders too narrow… and those chubby cheeks. No. Even if I imagine if she has blue skin… no,” he told and imagined how the brown shades of Eli’s skin would appear replaced with shades of blue. He turned away from him again, trying to cast away this image that continued to excite him.

 

“However you do look embarrassed.”

 

“If you think that my erotic fantasies have anything to do with love, I’ll reassure you now. I have known a few women, but all these bonds were only practical acts of mutual benefit. Sex is a simple physiological process that has little to do with an emotional bond that is usually called ‘love’.”

 

“Nevertheless. I wouldn’t dismiss such a possibility. If we assume that you suffer from one-sided love to lieutenant Hiro, it seems logical that you felt worse in her presence.”

 

“I don’t care for Hiro as a person. She’s a good teacher for the local cadet’s level. The same thing I can say of all the other personnel of the Academy. The only person which presence is important for me here is you, and I’ve done everything that depended on me to make you stay by my side as long as I find it necessary.”  
  
“Wait, does that mean that you…” Eli spoke slowly and pointed his finger on his chest.

 

“...value your skills as a translator and as a future Imperial Navy officer, and also find you attractive enough to relax.”  
  
“No, seriously, you…”

 

“I don’t feel romantically bound to you, cadet Vanto, you may stay ca…” he interrupted, feeling the painful movement in his lungs. “No, please, not again!” he pled in irrational impulse and bend his face to the table, facing another bout of coughing. When it passed, Thrawn found fresh inflorescence on his lips and silently returned to the shower, followed by Eli’s unbearably sorrowful gaze.

 

***

 

The bouts remained unpredictable. Sometimes, after pulling out a few flowers in the morning, Thrawn could spend all the day without incident. Sometimes, on the opposite sort of day, as in the case of training with lieutenant Hiro, another bout caught him in the middle of his lessons, leaving him to spent the rest of them with camomiles popping out of his mouth. Other cadets laughed for the first few days, but then gave it up, trying to pretend that he just wasn’t there.

 

Each time these bouts were more and more intense, and Thrawn himself didn’t get any further in his search for a cure. Eli also didn’t succeed while, like the others, he tried to help Thrawn manage his feelings, but these talks seemed to make things even worse. Again and again Thrawn found himself in despair and panic, and he didn’t even try to stop these emotions when he was by himself. He was dying, and his plans were crumbling like a stone house whose base cracked due to growing tree roots.

 

After a week he was contacted by doctor Clio, who inherited the practice from the scientist who’s article was the only one Thrawn found with descriptions of disease development. Thrawn didn’t have much hope that this talk could help him, but he considered he should try at least. The disease was rare, and anyway his data could be useful for the other unfortunate that would follow him.

 

A figure of Mon-calamari appeared above the holoprojector in his pad, and sanguinity was radiating from her even beyond the parsecs that were between them.

 

“Greetings, Mitth’raw’nuruodo. I apologise that I saw your request so late. Do you want to report on a hanahaki disease case?“  

 

“Hana… ah, yes.” Thrawn recalled that that was an alternative name, common for the Outer Rim, which was mentioned in the article. “That’s right. And I was hoping to ask you some verifying questions.”

 

“Is the diseased still alive?”

 

“Yes. It is me.”

 

“Oh. And how long have you been ill?”

 

“It’s the third week already.”

 

Mon-calamari narrowed her big eyes.

 

“Are you sure? I don’t see any… symptoms on you.”

 

“I remove them every day to maintain my daily activities. However I’ve studied the descriptions of the other cases and I realize, that the disease will spread not only in my pulmonary passages. That’s why I keep searching for ways to prevent or at least delay that effect.”

 

“You’ve got… strong will indeed,” doctor Clio said slowly as she shook her head significantly. “But if you read doctor Alkef’s article, you must know that there is only one possible cure. I know that for sure, for I was that patient.”

 

“I would appreciate if you told me about it. How did it happen?”

 

“Well, I was in love and I denied it for quite a while. With a Nautolan student, much younger than me. That was unacceptable, so I didn’t allow myself even to think about it, but the disease… forced me to change my mind. Of course I didn’t tell her anything and just accepted my fate, allowing doctor Alkef to run all possible tests on me. And then, when I cancelled all the lectures and set myself to die, she came into my quarters and… the moment she said she loved me, I realized, that I could breathe again. And, shockingly, from that moment we were together, although we have to part quite often, we are happy to have each other.”

 

“How romantic,” Thrawn chuckled. Mon-calamari and Nautolan looked like a weird couple, but yet not so impossible. “And what should I do, if I got this illness by mistake?”

 

“There can’t be any mistake. The only condition for hanahaki disease to appear is strong feeling of love. Sometimes it is intensified by jealousness, or by coldness of the love object, and also by attempts of the diseased to deny his feelings.”

 

“But I can’t be in love,” repeated Thrawn irritatedly and he set his teeth, feeling another approaching bout. “It is impossible,” he added hoarsely before coughing took his ability to talk completely.

 

“Especially if you speak it out loud,” doctor Clio shook her head, and even in her very alien features Thrawn could see compassion. He extended his hand in order to cover the call, but the bout intensified, forcing him to bend himself again and clutch his hands at the table’s edge so as to not fall down. However almost immediately he hurried to cover his mouth, feeling new and new flower buds pressing into his teeth. “And what is happening now only confirms that it is true. I can’t know anything about the reasons of your stubborn denial, but before you decide that our talk was completely useless, I’m going to share one thing doctor Alkef didn’t mention in his article. This disease… it is sensitive to our thoughts and words. For example, when patients didn’t want to hear how their beloved spoke to someone else, the flowers affected ears more intensively. And if they had to see their beloved happy with someone else, the symptoms appeared in their eyes. Everything is clear about you. You subconsciously hate yourself because you don’t even give your love a chance, and keep repeating that it doesn’t exist, so the disease tries to make you silent.”

 

Thrawn moved his hand from his mouth in order to object her, but as if in confirmation of her words flexible stems tangled his tongue and didn’t let him make any clear sound. Only few long hoarse moans came from his lips and he ceased his attempts.

 

“I can imagine how you feel right now. And I understand how much are you hurt by my compassion,” the Mon-calamari proceeded. “It is difficult to admit your weakness, especially for someone like you. But if you want to win this battle, you have to manage yourself. Who knows, maybe you will be as lucky as I was. And I would appreciate if you continued reporting on your state. Your case may be a good addition to my investigations - we’ve never observed such strong a organism.”

 

Doctor Clio ended the call. Thrawn inhaled slowly and carefully, and covered his face with his palms. But then he moved them away immediately, feeling the touch of something prickly. He looked at his wrist and saw a sharp end of unopened flower that cut through his skin, raising above one of exerting veins. On its lower part the tender green was covered in crimson drops. Thrawn shut his eyes, hoping it was an illusion, then threw his tunic off and looked at his arms. His hope was not realized- besides the one he saw on his wrist he counted six more flowers, cutting through small wounds, and one of them already opened.

 

He breathed heavily and, after few short coughs, he forced himself to go into the refresher. Vanto wasn’t yet back from lieutenant Hiro’s training lesson, and Thrawn didn’t want the young Human to see how depressed he was. He felt guilty enough that his roomate had to see every day how the disease killed him slowly. The only consolation was the fact that after Thrawn’s death Eli wouldn’t have to serve as his translator anymore, and he’d be able to go back home and live the life he always wanted.

 

***

 

Thrawn saw the sky of some unfamiliar planet in his dream. He was laying and couldn’t move because of hundreds of thin stems that grew through him, tangled both inside and outside of him, sewing him to the ground in the middle of the wide meadow. The camomiles were everywhere, and their narrow white petals were shining under the sun so he could see nothing but them and the sky.

 

“Mommy-mommy, look here!” A resonant child’s voice sounded somewhere near, and someone’s hand moved the curtain of flowers above his head. Thrawn easily recognised Eli as this child- he imagined him like this when he visualized the young Human listening to legends told in his family. “It is a Chiss!”

 

“Don’t touch him, son.”

 

“He looks like he’s in terrible pain.”  
  
Eli’s eyes, big and warm, looked at him again with sorrow and compassion, but that didn’t irritate Thrawn anymore. He had neither strength nor the very possibility to struggle, so he was ready to accept these feelings, although he considered them useless and unacceptable for a warrior. The child’s hands touched his cheeks. So soft. So cool.  
  
“Can we do anything to help him?”

 

“He’s fine,” mistress Vanto replied easily, while remaining unseen. “Chiss always bloom in the spring. In winter the flowers will fade and he’ll be common again. That’s what legends say. Let’s go home.”

 

“But I want to stay.” Now Eli’s voice, as well as he himself, became the same as Thrawn knew them to be. “I won’t sleep well, knowing that he lays down here all alone.” After these words he laid down on the grass. Human’s hand slipped carefully between the stems and laid on Chiss’ waist, then he moved and put his head on his shoulder.

 

Suddenly the flowers started to move and grew higher, tangling around Eli’s body. He didn’t resist and laid still with a happy smile on his face, while the stems one by one pierced through his body, sewing him firmly to the ground. Thrawn attempted to cry out, to warn him, but he couldn’t make a sound. Not to mention he couldn’t even try to push him away. He could only observe how the human’s body drowned in white flowers, becoming one with him.

 

“No, Eli! Don’t do it!” he exclaimed when he woke up and coughed hard. It was dark and quiet in their room. He breathed out in relief, feeling only two flowers within his mouth. Those few that grew on his body were yet small enough to be hidden under his clothes. But, something was wrong.

 

Vanto indeed was sleeping on his shoulder, with his hand on Thrawn’s chest. He felt his movement and moaned something displeased in his sleep and changed his pose. Thrawn took his arm and shook a little.

 

“Cadet Vanto,” he called. He tried to speak loud and strict, but swollen vocal chords turned his voice into pathetic whistling whisper, and short bouts of coughing made his speech stumbling and abrupt.  
  
“M-m…”  
  
“Cadet Vanto, wa… wake up!”

 

“Oh, Kriff, it’s so freaking early…” The human unwillingly moved and rubbed his eyes. “Oh. Thrawn. Dammit. Sorry, I should have thought how…”

 

“What are you… doing in my… bed?”

 

“You woke me up with your coughing and you didn’t stop until I went down here and…” even in the darkness, lightened only with dimmed light of Thrawn’s eyes his face looked embarrassed. “When I was young, mother did so to calm me down. And it worked.”

 

“I see. Sorry to… bother you,” Thrawn stroked his aching throat that didn’t restore itself after his most recent flower pulling out procedure. His regenerative ability was drained, and it became harder to ignore the pain. “My first thought was inadequate… due to images from my dream.”

 

“What did you see?”  
  
“Some… unpleasant things.”  
  
“And what I was doing there?”

 

“Some very dull things. You were talking to your mother about… whether Chiss bloom… every spring,” Thrawn said and laughed gravelly.

 

“Ugh, that’s creepy. No, I’ve never heard such legends.”

 

“What a shame. There is… much more sense in such fairy tales than in my… lovesickness.” He absentmindedly rubbed his neck and moved his hand away immediately, discovering it to be covered in a flower field. He could only hope that now in this darkness Eli couldn’t see anything but his shining eyes.

 

“And you… didn’t manage to understand who exactly are you in love with so hard?”

 

“Thrawn wanted to deny it again, but stopped himself - if doctor Clio was right, it would surely cause another bout, and right now he felt too bad to argument with the disease that was sure about his feelings. He breathed heavily and closed his eyes.

 

“I’m sorry, I… that’s really not my business,” Eli added and exhaled disappointedly.

 

“It’s not me to say sorry, cadet Vanto. I’ve pulled you into all of it and now I can’t… go the distance and stop distracting you from… your learning. I’ve… broken your life, and now I’m pulling you… down to the abyss.”

 

“Hey, don’t say such things.” Eli took his hand and shivered a little when he felt the few camomiles that grew on Thrawn’s wrists touch his skin. He shivered, but didn’t remove his hand. “Although you turned everything upside down for me, I’m happy that we’ve met. You… are so strong and smart, and you always support me so much that I start to think that I worth something myself and I can do something more than naval supply manifests.”

 

“I am glad to know that I… wasn’t completely useless. Although this is nothing compared to how many things I was going to do.”

 

“Don’t even think of it. You’ve promised me you won’t die of some camomiles.”  
  
“I’ve… gravely overestimated… myself.”

 

***

 

That day three more teachers followed the example of lieutenant Hiro, and the last of them, an angry major of storm troops in retirement, who was responsible for demonstration of the basic weaponry of enlisted imperial officer, practically dragged Thrawn to the medical center, throwing numerous obscene words in Basic onto the  heads of its personnel that couldn’t find a reply for him. The Chiss barely understood his speech, but judging by the faces of nurses he decided that these words were very threatening. He himself didn’t even try to apologize - his voice was completely gone and he was unable to be heard over the raging old soldier.  
  
“Let the rancor rip me apart if I don’t smash your heads first if you don’t bring him back to the ranks in perfect health! This blue abomination is the best thing that happened to me in this Academy of imbasile rich morons! And now he can’t assemble the blaster gun because he’s got some fresh garlic on his palms!”  
  
“Sir, his disease is not…” started doctor Aegis that hurried towards the source of the noise.

 

“I don’t give a fuck! Take this shit out of him!” major pressed his finger fiercely in the middle of the doctor’s forehead, then shook Thrawn’s shoulder. “Hold on, cadet! Major Willard is with you!”

 

“I’ll do everything… I can, sir,” Thrawn’s reply could be barely heard, than he started coughing heavily and leaned on the first thing his hand could reach. That turned out to be an equipment truck that rolled almost immediately under his weight. He didn’t manage to react in time, so he stumbled and fell face down on the floor, and the hit only intensified his bout.

 

A few pairs of hands, both living and mechanical, turned him right side up, raised him, and put him on a soft bed.

 

Thrawn felt a prick in his neck, and the cramps started to fade. His body was filled with weakness, but it was followed by an almost complete insensibility to pain. Then, almost in passing, a breathing tube was pushed into his mouth, and his lungs that almost forgot how to breathe normally expanded, filled with air. Even through the anaesthetic he could feel how flowers were moving inside him to obstruct his breathing, but the coughing reflex was temporarily turned off, allowing to escape from maddening hypoxi for a while.

 

“You didn’t complain to the Emperor, as far as I can see, cadet?”  
  
Doctor Aegis stood by his bed, looking at Thrawn’s medical records in his hand and putting in the latest data. His lips were pressed tight.  
  
“You are strong indeed to stay alive that long. But now your disease is known to all the Academy and you cannot continue with your learning.”  
  
He put the pad away and moved his hands behind his back.

 

“According to the protocol I should send you back home to your family, but… as far as I know, you don’t have any home,” he paused. “Well now. Have some rest.”

 

Thrawn narrowed his eyes, displeased that he couldn’t answer anything. His body didn’t obey him, but his mind for the first time in the last days was clear. And right now in front of his mind’s eye moved all the pictures he saw while he was searching for a cure. But now, when he felt almost no pain, these were not the true pictures, but artistic interpretations of this weird illness. Bodies, covered in flowers, that looked creepy and beautiful at the same time. And in each piece of art the artists showed not only the external, but the internal as well, putting all the shades of the feelings in the brightly blooming flowers.

 

He imagined how someone might depict him this way, but he couldn’t stop on some distinct image. But there was one thing he was sure of- on such a picture he would look good in white, drawn so that it would be unclear where the clothes ended and the flowers started. But there was no one here to draw him, and that was disappointing.

 

Through all these weeks Thrawn was wondering why these were camomiles growing on him. In Human art these flowers were associated with innocence, sincerity and purity- something he never considered for himself. And he didn’t meet a lot of such people through his life. As a rule, such persons saw him as someone too cruel. His thoughts wandered evidently to Eli Vanto again- this young human was not perfect, but in a sense pure and innocent, and always sincere in all his doings. He was unable to lie or to hide something- his face reflected his every thought so clearly that everything he was going to say could be read on him. And also he never wished to be anything like those people that poisoned their presence at the Academy, so he tried to act honestly, despite the fact that it could bring him inevitable consequences.

  
Thrawn rubbed one of the flowers between his fingers, unable to do anything else right now. The anaesthetic effect was going away, bringing back the itch under his skin and heaviness in his chest. But along with them his mobility also came back and, noticing it, a medical droid that observed him helped him to remove the oxygen tube. Thrawn inhaled carefully - the coughing didn’t yet return.

 

“I assume you wouldn’t wish to spend the last hours of your life here, cadet Thrawn,” doctor Aegis came to his side again, carelessly observing his patient sitting on his bed with clear intention to leave. “And it will only be a few hours now for you. The flowers have reached your heart, so it’s likely that in the next 24 hours it will stop. I suggest you to go back to your quarters and have this,” he gave him a closed vial with small amount of some dark liquor on its bottom. “This will allow you to die without pain. Don’t drop it. It’s illegal.”

 

“I don’t need this.”

 

“Do you want your beloved one to observe your agony?”

 

Thrawn raised his palm in a protesting gesture. “There are a lot of additive lectures today. He won’t come back soon from his lessons.”

 

“Gotcha,” doctor Aegis hid the vial in his pocket and laughed. He wasn’t foreign to cruel jokes after all.

 

“How witty and professional,” commented Thrawn apathetically as he left the medical center.

 

His plan to go back to his quarters and stay there alone, spending his last hours listening to music and admiring pieces of art, imagining himself one of them, failed- for reasons unknown Eli Vanto betrayed himself and skipped his last two lectures. They met not far from the medical center. The young cadet was in such a hurry that he almost knocked into Thrawn but managed to stop just in time.

 

“Cadet Vanto… what are you doing here?”

 

“Major Willard came back with such an upset face that I realized he’d seen some real shit while you were in the medical center. And… I was afraid that I would come back this evening to find your corpse or even would not be able to see you again at all and… stars, I’m so glad you’re still alive.” Eli didn’t restrain himself and hugged him, but he did it gently so that it didn’t provoke a new bout.

 

“Ah, that was such a good plan…”

 

“What… you… were really going to die?”

 

“It would be much more… comfortable for me if I didn’t have to traumatize you… with this performance. I don’t know how long… it will take and how… painful it is going to be. Accepting death with dignity and without burdening others is… the best ending for a Chiss warrior.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere,” said Eli, firmly accenting every word and he took Thrawn’s hands, which were hard to find behind dozens of little flowers.

 

“If that is your choice. But I don’t want…” Thrawn pursed his lips and turned away from him, At that very moment the left side of his face was struck with pain that forced him to lean on the closest wall and shut his eyes. He screamed, reflectively covering it with his hand, but only whistling came from his trachea with the exhale, and dozens of camomiles that grew on his palm didn’t even let him touch his own skin. When he tried to open his eyes, one more spring popped from inside his eye pit, tangling around his eye-ball, and blossomed immediately, resting on his cheek-bone. The same moment few tears ran down his cheek, and Thrawn rushed to wipe them with his sleeve, hiding at the same time from Eli’s piercing gaze, who’s emotions he couldn’t read right now. “I don’t want to be watched by all the Academy.”

 

***

 

When they got to the room, Thrawn took his pad and laid on his bed as he planned before. Eli sat nearby on the edge and proceeded to stare at him, preserving the awkward silence. It was annoying, and Thrawn tried to ignore it as long as he could, but it was difficult as ever to stay calm in his presence. More than that, he couldn't see, but he could feel how Eli got nervous at every bout of coughing, even the very short ones. But he wouldn’t be able to concentrate even if the Human didn’t insist on staying here- the soreness in his eye was so strong and symmetrically reflected in the other one, so it was impossible to comprehend images or read.

 

He lowered his pad and moved it to Vanto’s side.

 

“Could you please… take some pictures?”

 

“W...what?”

 

“Pictures,” Thrawn repeated and marked himself with round gesture of his hand. “I must be looking very beautiful.”

 

“What are you talking about? It is terrible!” Eli almost moaned, frowning and waving his head in protest.

 

“Yes, but… if you forget the pain I feel, these flowers… look like small clouds on my skin. And by the way I promised doctor Clio… to report on my progress.

 

Eli swallowed few times nervously, but took the pad. He stood up awkwardly and started taking pictures from all sides he considered informative, before the pad fell down from his shaking hands. After that he lost the remnants of his self-control and fell down his knees, trembling from emotional overdose.

 

“This is wrong! It is I who should be ill, not you. You should have done so much, and I… The Universe won’t lose anything if I disappear. Nobody cares if I live or die, even my family… and you- you’re the Emperor’s protege!”

 

“I don’t think he will be very disappointed. And… you’re being unfair to yourself. I’d be really disappointed… if you died. Especially… from something this ridiculous.” Thrawn stretched his hand and, trying not to touch Eli’s face by flowers, wiped his tears with the tip of his thumb. “There is something I’d like to ask you to do, cadet Vanto.”

 

“I will do everything that I can possibly do.”

 

“When I die… put me like this,” Thrawn crossed his arms on his chest and moved his head a little behind. Then, after short bout of coughing, proceeded. “I don’t want my body to… stiffen up in some… unaesthetic shape. Yes, and then… put me into ice. Not the carbonite, but ice. That must be very clean water. Then you’ll need to find the right lighting…”

 

“Thrawn, what nonsense are you talking, this is…”

 

“Art. Yes, a little bit extravagant, but I… am a trial born son of ruling family that is very fancy about... the funeral rituals. So sad I am dressed in this misplaced uniform, it’d be better if there was… something absolutely white. I should have considered this earlier.

 

“You’re delirious.” Eli shook his head again. “But I will do it. If that is what you wish.”

 

“I guess it is the only thing I… could wish… for now. Besides making it all happen at last. However… perhaps I know the way to finish this fairy tale faster.”

 

He turned his head, willing to look into Human’s big eyes for the last time. Right now they reddened and  swelled up of tears, along with all his face, but the young cadet still looked adorable to him. Thrawn smiled with the corners of his lips and whispered:  
  
“Goodbye, Eli Vanto. I… have never… loved you.”

 

That very second he felt every stem inside him start to grow, bursting out through his skin with longer and longer stems. He couldn't inhale anymore - there was no more place in his lungs, and the white flowers, appeared from his half-opened lips were innumerable. The lonely camomile that popped from his eye pit also started growing, and new flowers bloomed on it’s branches. The blood stopped running in his veins, and he felt the cold taking over his body.

 

His mind was slipping away from the pain too strong. Somewhere on the border of his comprehension Thrawn heard Eli’s desperate scream, while the boy refused to accept what was happening.  
  
“This is unfair! It should have happened to me, because I fell in love with you!” he said and at the same moment all the world seemed to freeze. Human’s hand moved the flowers that bloomed on Chiss’ lips. Thrawn felt a touch. Soft and cool. Eli was kissing him, and right now it was reality, which he wished to go back to. And he came back, holding him with his numb arms, and returned the kiss.

 

The flowers that were tearing him apart a second ago suddenly started to melt. Thrawn coughed again, but now the feeling was different. He bend over the bedside and the flowers slipped down from his mouth like they were liquid, and soon he felt his lungs could spread without pain, as if something magically cured his tormented bronchial tubes. He straightened, sitting on the bed, and stroked his chest in disbelief of this sudden relief.

 

“Thrawn? You…” Eli started timidly, but stumbled, unable to find right words.

 

“I’m not dying anymore,” he replied and noticed in amusement that his voice also returned. “This…” he looked at his hands - flowers were falling from his skin, leaving only small wounds, that were recovering visibly. “This is impossible. I don’t know how, but… you saved me.”

 

“So all this time you…” Eli stumbled again, but now Thrawn let him finish. “You were just lying?”

 

“Yes. To myself. And to the others,” he confirmed and gently pulled a flower that remained hanging from his eye socket. He shut his eyes and blinked few times, then looked at Eli, and couldn’t help but admit that he was happy to see him here and now. “Love makes a warrior vulnerable, so I never allowed it’s presence in my life. But it seems like it’s no use to deny now. I didn’t need a translator. I just wanted to keep you by my side and never considered the reasons for it.

 

“And the Chiss always get what they want.”

 

“Or die in attempt.” Thrawn couldn’t help smiling.

 

“Do you always have to be so terrible? You… you’ve almost died just now!” Eli’s temper boiled over, but at the same time relief could be heard in his voice, while his eyes were shining with tears of joy.

 

Allowing himself to look at him, Thrawn couldn’t stop himself from smiling even wider. There, where his mind was full of agony minutes ago, now a soft euphoria was spreading.

 

“I think, I should go to the refresher. I’m all wet and…” he carefully unbuttoned his tunic, under which there were many flowers that fell off and spread across his skin.

 

“I’ll go with you. You’re shocked and… who knows, maybe you’re going to feel worse again?”

 

“If you insist. But I dare to say, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so good in my whole life.”


End file.
